She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
