I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
