And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I think people are normalizing furries
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
