tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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