that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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