So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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