You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
