Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
