So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
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she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
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I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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