So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
we made out on top of his cat.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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