dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
