oh god the rape fog is back!
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
