she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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