so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
