One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I am mentally ready for anal.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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