I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
