My sheets look like a crime scene.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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