we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
