I wish you could order shots online.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
