Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Randomize
