If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
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Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
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Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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