I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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