I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
