can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
