I didn't shave. On purpose
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
