why didn't you poke me back
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize