Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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