Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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