At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
