I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
