Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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