If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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