What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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