You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
