1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I wish I only lived at night.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
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How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
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Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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