I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I am one with the molecules
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize