I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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