I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize