i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
