Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
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Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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