never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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