My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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