She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
