Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
