He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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