Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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