My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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