Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
