Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
