I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
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