I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
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i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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