i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Terrible idea I love it
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
