so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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