She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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