if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
3 2 1 whiskey
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
