eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
