that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize