The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
