i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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