Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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