your parents love me but you hate me
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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