i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
