I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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