how hairy? two words: wookie tits
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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