just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
