Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
