We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It's blow job season.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
